Annonymous

I've been wondering much more I can take in my life. At times I let it all roll off my shoulders. At times I wanna crawl under a rock. Curl up & die somewhere. I know that's not how I should be but if anybody truly listened to what I say they might understand. I am locking my heart away in a treasure chest & burying it where no man (or woman) can find it. None of this pain is worth trying again. I don't want to feel anything I want to be numb. Why was love created if all we do is tear each other apart?? I do know one thing without a doubt. God's love never fails! It says so right there in black & white in the bible! But the basic love of human's does fail whether we believe it or not. Tine Turner said it best in her song.. "What's love got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"

Life's Journeys

I have so many blessings I need to count them more. My girls, my job (its only one day a week but its something), my family who has tried their best to be there for me (even my dad who has so many health problems & shit going on. He's stressed out himself which is not good for him.), friends who are there for me to the best they can be, even when they have their own health or other issues. Maybe one day I'll even have a significant other who will love me for me whether I change or not.

I can't believe it's October already. Seems like this year is flying by & I'm always in a fog. The blinders have come off but I feel lost somehow. I've been filling out paperwork & applications I know my information almost by heart.. It still doesn't feel like enough. I hear comments about how hopeless & other things I am. But I am trying. There are other people with more credentials & certifications than me out of work. It feels like nobody understands that. This economy sucks for everyone. For those who have to start over especially at my age it totally sucks. I have to consider the source of some of the comments, but when others who I thought understood say things. Well lets just say it's devastating to me. I pray, I've given everything in my life to God. I just wish I wasn't surrounded by the negativity anymore. I'm being swallowed whole & nothings gonna spit me out. I can't hear what He has to say to me. Maybe I'm just to overwhelmed & impatient to hear His voice. I haven't figured that out yet. I need to disappear, it might be best for everyone around me except my girls.. My girls are my number one priority but I can't help financially. Which is the only concern for most people. I feel like nobody understands but that's how it's been most of my life. I need to change my way of thinking which I'm trying to do. Well time to get moving for work.